About our Couples approach

‘The Gottman Method.’

What is so special about Gottman Method Couples Counselling?

The Gottman Method of Couples Counselling is the result of over four decades of research on marital stability and divorce prediction, the work of Dr's John and Julie Gottman. This research relied on intensive, detailed, and long-term scientific study of thousands of couples, producing a data-driven framework that describes why marriages succeed or fail. 

The Gottman’s are respected throughout the world as the foremost leaders of relationship psychology and marriage research. Dr John Gottman was recently voted one of the Top 10 Most Influential Therapists of the past quarter-century by the Psychotherapy Networker. They are authors of over 200 published academic articles and authors of over 40 books. Their most famous book is the New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work.

The Gottman Method of Couples Counselling helps couples do three things:

1. Build Your Friendship System:

   Become better friends and increase your positive feelings for one another

2. Build Your Conflict Management System:

   Improve the way you handle conflict

3. Build Shared Meaning & Values System:

   Improve the sense of alignment regarding values & the way to connect

What predicts divorce?

Interestingly, the Gottman's research discovered that for those couples who eventually divorced, there was an ever so slight yet noticeable difference in the way they discussed disagreements. Couples that would go on to become divorced had slightly more negativity than positivity (1.25 times more). By comparison, couples that remained in a happy and more stable relationship had a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interaction during disagreement. That is, positivity was expressed 5 times more often than negativity, specifically during times of disagreement.  Even during disagreement, happy couples have skills that help them maintain respect, affection, appreciation and even humour. 

Upon a closer look at the differences between negative and positive interaction, the Gottman's discovered 4 key areas of concern:

• Criticism (verse Complaining Gently or with more care and respect)

• Defensiveness (verse allowing oneself to be influenced by their partner, a fundamentally important skill)

• Contempt (verse developing a culture of mutual appreciation and expression)

• Stonewalling (verse emotion-regulation, keeping your cool, and helping your partner keep their cool)

So how do these 4 areas of concern typically play out in relationships? There seems to be a common path to emotional distance and disconnection. The pattern of disconnection and connection is made up of your habits of interaction. Your interaction cycles move you closer of further away from the connection you desire.

Making your relationship work

The Gottman research identified several very practical skills that separate the masters from the disasters in relationships. Essentially these skills are grouped into 3 areas of focus:

1. The Friendship System: practical skills to know each other, like each other and be there for each other

2. The Conflict Management System: practical skills to communicate more effectively at times of disagreement

3. The Shared Meaning & Values System: practical skills to help couples feel more fulfilled in their vision for the relationship

Dr Cory well help you through this program of counselling by following the below path.